


Efforts

by PeaceLilies



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Anal Sex, Best Friends, Bisexual Joe|Kojiro, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Joe is a saint, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Mentions of Violence, Pining, Unrequited Love, Vomiting, handjob, mentions of depression, mentions of past Loveblossom (Adam/Cherry)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 03:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30032013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeaceLilies/pseuds/PeaceLilies
Summary: After Kaoru's beef with Adam sends him to the hospital, he and Kojiro decide to take a month off to convalesce. Kojiro just wants to make sure that his best friend is taken care of and expects nothing in return...
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Comments: 22
Kudos: 174





	Efforts

**Author's Note:**

> OH BOY!!! WE DID IT! Stepping outside of our comfort zone and exploring a new thing!! 
> 
> Thank you to the AMAZING [Murph](https://twitter.com/benicemurph) for the beta and feedback!!

“You got a car?” Kojiro asked Shadow, who looked at him silently, in shock, and then nodded, slowly.

“Get it started...we’re gonna need it.” 

Shadow nodded again, herding Miya away from the murmuring and gasping crowd, getting a hold of himself in the face of some direction. He was too young, Kojiro thought vaguely about Miya, as he made his way toward the course, breaking out into a run to reach Kaoru. 

He had had a hunch that something was going to happen, he just wasn’t sure what, but it didn’t surprise him that it had been violent. He'd hoped he'd get to Adam first. To spare Kaoru. 

Adam...wasn’t the same. Not any more and it hurt him, knowing that in some ways, Kaoru had needed to have this experience to recognize that himself. 

But that was a worry for another time; he needed to get to him fast, and get him to the nearest hospital. That had been too perfect of a hit and Kaoru had been moving so fast…

Unstoppable force meet immovable object. 

He could hear the crowd as he got closer, running at full tilt, skateboard completely forgotten. 

“Cherry!” he called. He could see him, laying still in the middle of the course, Adam standing off to the side, smoking. So nonchalant and smug, the fucking bastard. 

Kojiro wasn’t necessarily above causing a scene in front of everyone, but Kaoru wheezed his name from where he lay on the ground, and the fight went out of him. It didn’t matter how much he wanted to beat the ever loving shit out of Adam...Kaoru was more important. 

Kojiro ignored his gaze, though it made the hair at the back of his neck prickle. He took off his jacket, moving Kaoru gently, checking for broken bones, and blood. 

“You’re alright,” he said, “I got you. C’mere.” 

He moved as carefully as he could, trying to be fast but careful, wrapping Kaoru up in his jacket, making sure no one could see his face. He knew how important it was to keep his identity at ‘S’ separate from his real life persona. 

“This is going to hurt,” Kojiro murmured, “I’m sorry.” 

He lifted Kaoru into his arms, hearing him gasp, his body trembling, his breathing quick. 

“I got you.” 

“Take good care of your precious Cherry Blossom, Joe!” he heard Adam call behind him and it took everything in his being to prevent himself from shoving Kaoru into Shadow’s arms so he could beat the crap out of him. But Shadow had pulled up his car, looking concerned and nervous despite his ridiculous face paint. Miya was in the front seat, looking terrified. 

_Fuck._

Shadow scrambled out of the car, opening up the back door. Kojiro did his best to get himself and Kaoru into the car without jostling Kaoru too much, and Shadow was back in the driver’s seat. 

“Drive,” Kojiro said, Kaoru shuddering in his arms, and Kojiro didn’t have to look at him to know that he was crying...only a small portion of which was probably from physical pain. 

Kojiro sent Miya and Shadow home, carrying Kaoru into the emergency department, where he was whisked off, his clothes being cut off his body so they could see all the damage. He waited in the ER for nearly three hours before a doctor came out to find him, indicating that Kaoru had been bandaged up and was stable. 

He had a concussion but no damage to his skull, which was a miracle in and of itself, no broken facial bones, but there were some lacerations, and his arm and foot were broken from how he had fallen. When Kojiro got to his room, Kaoru was looking out the window from his bed. Head bandaged, arm cast and in a sling, his foot, too. He was wearing a green hospital gown and he looked paler than usual. He turned his head slowly, looking at him with wet eyes. 

“Do you want me to stay?” Kojiro asked, taking a seat beside his bed. Kaoru sighed, blinking slowly at him, tears escaping down his cheeks. 

“Would you hate me if I said yes?” he replied, voice hoarse. Kojiro smiled softly. 

“I could never hate you…”

***

There was very little that Kaoru could ask Kojiro that would prevent him from dropping everything to help him out, but as he locked up his restaurant for the night, feeling only marginally confident that his staff could hold down the fort for the month that he would be gone, he knew that there wasn’t _anything_ that Kaoru could ask of Kojiro that he would decline. 

He knew he’d help him bury a body, but it hadn’t come to that, thank fuck. Though, the way things had been going, Kaoru would probably be helping _him_ bury a body and then evading the authorities. 

Kojiro sighed, pulling his keys out of his pocket, and rubbing at the subtle tension headache building up behind his eyes. He and Kaoru would be leaving early for Miyakojima, renting out one of the timeshares out there for a month. It wasn’t super fancy but it wasn’t a run down hostel either, so they’d be comfortable enough. 

It was a good idea, getting some space from Okinawa and ‘S’ given what he had come to dub the “Adam Incident.” Kaoru had been doing okay in terms of recovery. He had his physical therapy exercises to do but had been warned off any real physical activity after being given a clean bill of health. That meant no skating, and while his arm and leg healed, no calligraphy either. Seemed like as good a time as any to take the time off. 

Kojiro hadn’t been surprised when Kaoru had asked him to take him to Miyakojima. They had traveled extensively together over the years and had seen each other through hard times in many shapes and forms. 

Kaoru was an anxious person by nature. You wouldn’t be able to tell if you didn’t know him well, but Kojiro did. He had seen him at his worst, through panic attacks, and periods of isolation. They had long since come to an understanding of what the other needed when they were struggling and Kojiro hadn’t seen Kaoru this bad in years. 

It was unsurprising that Adam was the cause. He had been then, so of course he was now.

Kojiro unlocked the door to his apartment, right above the restaurant, flipping on the light and toeing off his shoes. He’d seen Kaoru yesterday and he...had not looked good. Bags under his eyes, stress lines around his mouth, hair lank and unwashed. It was unlike him to be so unfastidious, but Kojiro knew what depression looked like. 

He knew a part of it was Adam. The entire incident had been horrible, really. Adam was...an unhappy person. They had all been friends once and they had had front row seats to Adam’s detonation. Kojiro was insightful enough to know that he harbored a lot of his own uncomfortable feelings toward Adam. 

He’d been fucking his best friend and crush for several months when they were in high school. Kaoru had been infatuated and happy, and Kojiro had been terrified of losing him as a friend, not to mention the feelings he harbored for him. He had been willing to put them aside if it meant keeping Kaoru’s friendship. 

He was there when Kaoru fell apart when Adam left, shattering his heart into a million tiny pieces, and Kojiro had helped him put everything back together. 

He wasn’t angry at Kaoru for wanting revenge, for wanting to prove himself. Adam had decimated their friendship, hurt Kaoru, and came back to Japan even worse than when he’d left. Kojiro had wanted a piece of him, too. He knew there was more going on than he was privy to, but his concern wasn’t Adam, angry as he was; it was Kaoru. 

Because not being able to work and not being able to skate meant Kaoru’s mind was unoccupied, and when it was unoccupied, the anxiety and depression set in. It would be good to have some alternative distraction, get away from city life, and convalesce for a while. 

At least...he hoped so. 

Kojiro made his way wearily into his apartment, double checked to make sure he’d packed everything he’d needed to pack for their trip. They’d have laundry, so that would help. Satisfied that he had everything, he sat on his bed, rubbing his face, feeling...tired. 

There was so much going on in his head. He was worried about Kaoru, worried about the kids, worried about what Adam would do next. But there was nothing he could really do about any of that. He sighed, hands falling away. 

Hopefully the time away might offer some clarity for them both.

***

They took the first ferry out to the island, and Kojiro made sure he had all the information for the rental car and their lodgings. Kaoru had wanted to take his bike, but his arm was still in a brace. Better than it had been, but not quite healed enough. His foot wasn't much better. Kojiro knew how much he hated any sort of lack of independence, but he did his best to be as nonchalant about the situation as possible. 

Despite his attitude, Kaoru was quiet and sullen. This wasn’t unexpected and Kojiro knew he’d have to give his friend some time to adjust. He wouldn’t push or prod, but he’d make sure to be there. Like he always was. 

The day was a little chilly and the sky was overcast. Not the best start to what was supposed to be a relaxing month off, but they’d make do. It would take a little time to set up the house and get food and other supplies since they wouldn’t be eating out all the time. Kojiro was looking forward to the meals. He truly loved cooking, felt comfortable in the kitchen. 

It had been a coping mechanism of sorts, something that had kept him busy, feeling productive, and it was something he was good at that wasn’t skating. It had given him space from Kaoru and Adam in high school when they were being insufferable. He hadn’t much liked being the third wheel. But that was seven years ago now and there were more pressing things to focus on. 

“We’re nearly there,” he said, “Kaoru…” 

Kaoru turned his head, his hair up in a messy bun, unusual for him, and his glasses were dark despite the lack of sun. He wasn’t wearing his yukata, but a pair of jeans, a chunky black sweater, and sneakers. 

“Mmm,” he replied softly, nodding his head once, before turning his head back to watching the water. 

Kojiro could admit that it was weird to be with Kaoru like this. They had spent so much of their time since high school on good terms. They’d grown into themselves, created successful careers, enjoyed their popularity in ‘S’, and were actively involved in one another’s lives. Kaoru was his best friend, and their bickering had become a comfortable blanket around them. Not having it felt...alienating and strange. 

He’d put up with far worse as Kaoru’s friend, so this was a cakewalk in comparison, but that aside, his friend was hurting, and he wanted to be there in whatever way he could. 

“Ready?” he asked as people started to leave the ship once they had arrived at the port. Kaoru seemed miles away but he nodded, following after Kojiro off the ship. 

“Wanna wait here and I’ll grab the car or…?” he asked once they were off the ship. Kaoru brushed hair behind his ear. 

“I can stay with our things,” he said, an echo of a long ago trip to the US. 

Kojiro left him with their bags on a bench near the information center and made his way over to the car rental, picking up their nondescript black sedan. He drove back out to the bench where he’d left Kaoru, finding him in the same spot. He wasn’t on his phone, like he usually was, and was just looking out toward the water. 

Kojiro pulled up next to him and got out of the car after popping the trunk. Kaoru seemed to register him and he stood up, picking up his board and one of the lighter bags. 

“Here let me---” 

“I got it,” he snapped, “I’m not a complete invalid…”

Kojiro held up his hands in surrender, taking a step back. 

“Okay,” he replied, “I know...you’re not…” 

Kaoru backed down, packing his board into the trunk, along with the bag. 

“Pass me the other bags. You’re terrible at organizing,” he said, and Kojiro did as he was told, smiling a little at hearing the familiar testiness in Kaoru’s voice. He was going to take it all in stride, like he had been for years. 

In truth though, Kojiro was terrible at organizing anything that _wasn’t_ his kitchen, and Kaoru had their bags and boards neatly organized in the trunk. He closed the door and headed to the passenger seat. 

It started raining on their way up to the house, a light drizzle. Kojiro was concentrating on the road, but he could see Kaoru staring out the window, one hand braced against the door. 

They made it to the house in one piece, finding the parking spot for the car for their unit, and went up to check the place out. Everything seemed to be in order. It was a relatively small house, a living room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and a back porch. Kojiro had made it clear he’d sleep out on the futon in the living room, though they had shared a bed in the past. He’d insisted, despite Kaoru’s disagreement. His friend needed space, and the last thing Kojiro wanted to do right now was make it harder for both of them. 

They brought up their things and started settling in, putting items away, getting a better feel for the place. 

It was a familiar routine, this, and Kojiro didn’t mind slipping into that feeling. They’d done so much traveling together over the years. Summers traveling around Japan during college, long vacations into their late twenties going to France, the UK, the US, Germany, Iceland, Switzerland, among other places. 

The only time that they had ever really spent apart was when Kojiro had left after going to culinary school, spending two years abroad studying under Michelin star chefs. Kaoru had come to stay with him for three weeks when he'd been a sous chef in Capri, right before he’d bought his own restaurant back in Okinawa. Kaoru had seen him off at the airport when he left and was there to welcome him home.

They’d been planning a trip to Australia and New Zealand next, but that had since been put on hold after the ‘Incident.’ 

Kaoru had moved on to the bedroom and Kojiro listened to him shuffling around, hearing the soft voice of Carla as he hooked her up to the WiFi. He unpacked things he’d brought for the kitchen that he knew they probably wouldn’t find on the island. The espresso Kaoru liked, his fancy espresso pot, and milk steamer. He’d left his knife roll at home, tempted as he was to bring it, but he would be able to make due with whatever the house came with. 

He packed everything away, making a mental list of things they would need to pick up at the local grocery. He saw Kaoru out of the corner of his eye, arms piled high with blankets and sheets and a pillow on top that he brought to the living room. 

Kojiro finished with the kitchen, leaving his bag by the futon, the blankets, sheets, and pillow neatly stacked nearby for whenever he wanted to use them. Kaoru was looking out the window at the rain. 

“I have a running list of things we might need. Anything you want to add?” Kojiro said softly, not wanting to startle him. Kaoru was slow to respond, still a thousand miles away. 

“I don’t think so,” he replied softly, turning from the window at last. He adjusted his glasses. “Are you going out now?”

Kojiro shrugged. “I can.” 

“Do you need help?”

He smiled and shook his head. 

“Nah. I think I can handle it myself.” 

“Okay,” Kaoru replied, nodding his head a little, averting his eyes. “I think I’m going to take a nap then.” 

***

They fell into this holding pattern in the first few days. The weather cleared, which helped, but Kaoru was still distant. They bickered occasionally but it felt sharper, less familiar, and Kojiro backed off more often than not. 

Kaoru could be sassy and prickly at the best of times, it was just who he was, but Kojiro could see his irritability and had found himself debating on how much to push to get Kaoru to talk. He spent much of his time sleeping and staring off into space. 

Kojiro was frustrated—angry with Adam for how he treated Kaoru when they were kids, completely pissed about the ‘Incident.’ And he was a little angry at Kaoru, too, for holding on to his feelings for Adam for so long. He thought he knew the whole story, but he wasn’t so sure. It was rare for him to feel that he couldn't ask...but Kaoru had been so far away from him, he wasn't sure how to bridge the distance. 

So Kojiro focused on what he could control. He kept up his normal routine. He’d get up a little later, because he was on vacation, went for a run, worked through pull ups, push ups, squats, showered, made a latte and breakfast for them both. He called and checked in with his sous chef about how the restaurant was doing and just to assure himself it hadn’t burnt down. He made sure that Kaoru was eating and staying hydrated, tried to rope him into conversation until he snapped at him, and then left him alone. 

Wash, rinse, repeat. 

They were nearly two weeks in and Kojiro was starting to feel anxious. 

He was not an anxious person by nature. It was always easy for him to take things in stride, to let things happen as they would, and trust that the outcome would be favorable, as long as you were smart about things. 

He would be the first to admit that, despite his easy-going nature, he wasn’t the best when it came to his feelings. He had been harboring his love for his best friend for _years_ , dealing with the unrequited nature of those feelings by fucking his way through them. 

He couldn’t remember his last relationship, but he had had plenty of sex. It was easier that way. Compartmentalizing. Temporarily forgetting. Probably not the healthiest coping mechanism and his reputation certainly preceded him, but he got by. It served multiple purposes and didn’t interfere with his life. 

But he was on Miyakojima, where he had no connections, and was trying to help his best friend through a depressive episode and hoping he would get over the complicated feelings he had about his ex-boyfriend from high school. There would be no fucking random people for this entire month, which was okay, he didn’t _need_ sex, but it was an easy way to forget that he felt far more intensely about his best friend than his best friend felt about him. 

It was starting to feel a little unbearable. 

Kaoru wasn’t doing anything on purpose, Kojiro was very aware of that. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts, shrouded in a cloud of sadness that nothing seemed to permeate, that it was plain to see he wasn’t paying attention to what or how he was affecting the world around him. 

He would forget to close his door while he changed. It wasn’t that they hadn’t seen one another naked before—high school locker rooms, shared bathrooms in hostels, and hotel rooms—it had been tough then, and it was tougher now. Even when he was just...still...sitting out on the back porch or in the living room, staring into space...he was beautiful. 

Kojiro wasn’t even really turned on. His heart hurt and he was angry. And he swallowed it. 

He had been swallowing these feelings for years. It was familiar— not necessarily comfortable, but familiar. It was more important he be a friend than anything else, and so he did what he could, being present, making sure that Kaoru wasn’t alone. 

They were in this together. 

But everyone had their breaking point. 

Kojiro woke up in the middle of the night to the unmistakable sound of someone vomiting.

_Kaoru._

He sat straight up, tossing the comforter back and making his way down the hall. They hadn’t had enough to drink that night for him to be sick, so something else was going on. 

The bathroom door was open slightly, light spilling into the hall, and Kojiro saw a curtain of pink hair, and the sound of Kaoru’s ragged breathing. 

“Kaoru…” he said, standing outside the door. 

The toilet flushed and he waited for a response. 

“Can I...have a glass of water,” came his voice, soft and strained. 

“On it,” Kojiro replied, making his way to the kitchen and grabbing the largest glass in the cabinet and filling it with cold water from the fridge. He ran a hand through his hair, a little shaken. 

It wasn’t that this was completely out of the ordinary. They had had so many nights together, drinking too much, partying too hard, but it had been so long. He brought the glass back to the bathroom, knocking on the door before gently pushing it open. 

Kaoru was leaning against the bathtub, legs pulled up to his chest. He looked very, very pale, sweaty, his hands shaking a little where they rested against his shins. He looked up, eyes a little glassy. 

“Thanks,” he rasped as Kojiro sat on the floor with him and handed over the water. He watched Kaoru drink most of it, wiping his mouth with a shaky hand. 

“You okay?” he asked after a moment. Kaoru had averted his eyes, something he had been doing far too often for Kojiro’s liking. He waited as patiently as he could, as he had been, before Kaoru shook his head. 

He shrunk into himself, biting his lip, and Kojiro could see the tears pooling in his eyes. Kaoru tucked his face against his knees, shoulders shaking as he cried. They were silent, the only sound in the bathroom his ragged breathing. 

The bathroom was small, but Kojiro did his best to wedge himself next to his friend, resting a hand against his back, rubbing in soothing circles. He was tired, and he knew that Kaoru was tired, too. 

He wasn’t keeping track of how long Kaoru cried, but he reached up for the box of tissues by the sink for him when he looked up, eyes puffy and red and his nose dripping. 

“What happened?” Kojiro asked gently, and Kaoru sighed, sniffling. 

“I had a dream,” he said, “about that night. It was just...the same moment. The feeling of...of...impact. What he said to me...all the pain…” 

He stopped talking, hands fisted, knuckles standing out in stark relief under his skin. 

“I feel so... _stupid_. Wasting so much time and energy,” he said, taking a deep breath, letting it out harshly. “I don’t know what I thought or expected to happen. I should have known better, after the first time. And you warned me...but I didn’t listen…” 

“Kaoru…”

“No, Kojiro. This is...unacceptable. I’m better than this. I know I am. Smarter than this, too. I’m such...a fucking...idiot…literally did this to myself…”

“Kaoru. 

“The things he said to me...back then...that night...stupid...stupid, stupid, stupid…”

“Kaoru. Stop.” 

It came out more forcefully than he intended, but it was too late to take it back. At least it had gotten his attention. He looked up at Kojiro with his sad, amber eyes and he sighed. He cupped Kaoru’s face in his palms. 

“You’re not an idiot. What’s done is done. We all go into ‘S’ knowing that anything could happen. It’s not always fair or right...but it _is_ . What happened shouldn’t have happened and I would have happily beat the fuck out of him...but there isn’t anything we can do except decide to move on. I want you to have whatever you feel like you need to heal and go forward from this...but you _have_ to let him go, Kaoru. His heart has changed, and that isn’t your fault or your problem...”

Kaoru looked at him, almost unblinking, unmoving under his hands. 

“What about you?” he asked at last. 

“I go wherever you go. You know that. If that means leaving him behind, then I leave him behind,” he replied. He took a breath, let it out slow. “My feelings have never changed…”

He saw the imperceptible widening of Kaoru’s eyes, his skin heating up under his hands. 

“Kojiro…”

“You’ve always been my friend, and you will continue to be my friend. That will never change. But...you’re it for me.”

Kaoru closed his eyes, eyelashes fluttering against his cheek, and he sighed. 

“And all those people…?”

“A distraction…”

Kaoru sighed once more, opening his eyes, looking at him pleadingly. 

“It’s been _years_ ,” he said. “Why…?”

Kojiro smiled back at him, feeling flayed open. But he always felt that way around Kaoru. It was impossible to feel invulnerable in front of him and everything that he was. Smart, stubborn, talented, beautiful...completely perfect. His one weakness. 

“Because you’re you,” he replied, brushing his thumbs once over Kaoru’s cheeks, and kissed his forehead. 

“You should take a shower. I’ll get you more water. And maybe try to go back to bed,” he said, releasing him. He was hedging off any rebuttal, taking advantage of the fact that Kaoru was exhausted to avoid having any kind of conversation about this. 

“You already left him behind,” Kaoru said, matter of fact, as Kojiro stood up. He ran a hand through his hair. 

“Yeah. I did.” 

He left him in the bathroom, taking his empty glass of water and refilling it. He heard the shower turn on and left the glass on the bedside table in Kaoru’s room before going out to the porch. He wasn’t sure he would be able to go back to sleep. 

They had talked about how they felt about one another once before. Well...Kojiro had told Kaoru how he felt, and Kaoru had let him down as easily as Kaoru was capable of doing. They had never talked about it after that, both of them choosing to preserve their friendship, and that was enough. 

He never intended to do more than what they had now, not unless Kaoru ever changed his mind. Even with his ideas about Adam shattered, Kojiro wasn’t expecting him to fall into his arms and declare that he was also madly in love. He wasn’t going to expect anything. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. 

Kojiro stayed out on the porch for about an hour, watching the moon and the stars, until the tips of his fingers and toes were numb from the cold. He could hear a soft lullaby playing from the bedroom, the lights all out. He crawled back onto the futon, under the comforter, and sighed.

Sleep did not come.

***

The awkwardness stretched on for days. 

Kojiro continued to cook for them, and they ate their meals together, talked in soft fits and spurts, mostly about passing condiments or having seconds. Kaoru started coming with him on walks down by the beach, which was a nice change, but they didn’t really _talk_. 

Something had certainly shifted, but for better or for worse, Kojiro couldn’t tell. They were spending more time together, physically, sharing the same space, but not really engaging. Kaoru had come out into the living room with swaths of paper, a brush, and ink, practicing his calligraphy. He was calm and serene as he worked, which told Kojiro that his arm was getting better. 

Sometimes Kojiro caught him nodding approvingly at his work and talking to Carla about his progress. He was sleeping less, eating more, being generally more active. Kojiro was counting it as a major win, even if it seemed like they were dancing on eggshells around each other a bit. 

He hated that feeling. Like he'd fucked things up because he'd been honest. But Kaoru hadn't asked to go home and wasn't avoiding him. So things had to be fine, right?

Right. 

Their trip was coming to a close. They only had another few days at the timeshare before heading back to Okinawa. Kojiro had made peace with the fact that things would be like this for a little while before they just...went back to doing what they normally did. Like nothing had happened, nothing had changed. 

Kojiro stood in the kitchen, looking over the ingredients he’d set out for lunch. Kaoru had been in the bedroom for a few hours, and he hoped that it was because he was doing work and not back to sleeping most of the day. 

He had seemed to be making a lot of progress and Kojiro hoped he wasn’t backsliding. 

He was pulling out some pots and pans when he heard the bedroom door open, barefooted footsteps coming closer. 

“Kojiro,” Kaoru said from behind him, the sound of fabric falling to the floor. Kojiro hummed and turned, doing a cartoonish double take at what he was looking at. 

Kaoru stood behind him, completely naked, in the doorway between the kitchen and the hall. His hair was down, cascading around him in pink waves that were far too pretty and perfect to be like that without a little assistance, and his blue robe lay on the floor, pooled around his feet. 

Kojiro knew he was gaping like a fish, but he was having trouble comprehending what was actually happening. Seeing Kaoru naked wasn’t new, necessarily, but the scenario in which he was seeing him like this was. His eyes dragged over him, from his perfect toes to the top of his perfect head. All six feet of him.

The perfect breadth of his shoulders, flat, muscular stomach, the 'V' of his hips, and those long, _long_ legs. His mouth was instantly dry.

Kaoru had his nipple piercings in, which Kojiro hadn’t seen in years, and his eyes kept drifting back to the metal. 

“Are you still interested?” Kaoru said, and Kojiro’s head snapped up to try and look at Kaoru in the face. 

“What?”

Kaoru blinked slowly, like a cat, tilting his head to the side, his hair sliding across one bare, pale shoulder. 

“I said...are you still interested?” 

“I-in...in what?” he gulped. 

Kaoru smiled, a small upturn of the corners of his mouth. He looked like a cat stalking his prey, moving closer. He was so elegant as he moved, even with a broken foot, and Kojiro couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

“Me,” he replied, matter of fact. 

Kojiro wheezed, hands clutching the counter behind him, sweat springing up on his forehead and back. 

“Kaoru...I…”

Kaoru was a finger’s distance away, looking up at him, his expression changing, amber eyes curious. 

“It’s alright if you aren’t,” he said softly, and Kojiro promptly shook his head. 

“No! No, no. Definitely, uh, am interested. _Very_ interested. I just...uh...this is a...surprise.” 

Kaoru nodded, smiling, his cheeks turned red. 

“I, uh, mmm, maybe I came on a little strong,” he said, brushing hair self-consciously behind his ear. 

Kojiro let go of the counter, hands at his sides, and took a deep breath. 

“It’s okay. Just...unexpected. You, um, you look really nice. But you always look nice…” 

Kaoru laughed, the first real laugh Kojiro had heard from him in weeks. 

“Thanks,” he said, looking up at him again, “you look nice when you’re cooking. Very self-assured and confident.”

“Thanks,” Kojiro replied, reaching up to nervously rest a hand on the back of his head, realizing too late that he was sweating _profusely_ through his shirt. 

Kaoru rested a hand on his chest, looking up at him, his eyes tracking over his face. 

“May I kiss you?” 

It was surreal to hear the one thing you’d wanted to hear for more than a decade finally being said. He was surprised his soul hadn’t left his body yet. 

“Okay,” he whispered. 

Kaoru’s lips were just as soft and perfect as they looked, better than Kojiro ever imagined them being. They had never kissed before, a shocking detail despite all of their near misses growing up together. 

Kaoru’s arms slid around his neck and he pressed against Kojiro, leaving nothing at all to the imagination. Kojiro wrapped his arms around him, utterly overwhelmed at having access to all that perfect skin. It took little time at all after that for things to escalate. 

Kaoru shoving his tongue into Kojiro’s mouth, one hand cupping his face, both of them breathless. They looked at each other, and Kojiro lifted Kaoru into his arms as if he weighed nothing at all, and made a beeline to the bedroom. 

He placed Kaoru gently down on the bed, trying to tug off his clothes which were kind of damp since he’d been nervously sweating, and he didn’t want to waste any more time. He got his shirt off and Kaoru was kissing him again, which was distracting, and not making it easier for him to get out of his pants. 

He made an annoyed noise against his mouth, and Kaoru nipped his lip. 

“Impatient,” he hummed, and Kojiro rolled his eyes. 

“I’ve waited over a decade for this,” he replied. Kaoru hummed, hands cupping his face. He had long fingers, delicate looking, though there was nothing about him that was delicate. 

“I know,” he replied seriously and kissed him again. 

Maybe it was because he’d been harboring these feelings for Kaoru since he’d been fourteen, but kissing him like this made him feel weirdly young and inexperienced. He couldn’t focus on one thing, distracted by kissing him, and entranced by the way their skin felt as they brushed together. 

Kaoru ran both hands down his back, humming softly, tilting his head away to breath. Kojiro nuzzled against the long column of his neck, brushing his lips against his skin, down to his shoulder, feeling him shiver. Kaoru’s hands were in Kojiro’s hair as he trailed kisses over Kaoru’s collarbones, down his sternum. 

He was face-to-face with Kaoru’s piercings, eyeing them with interest, and looked up at him, cocking an eyebrow. 

“No one can see them,” Kaoru said simply, and Kojiro shrugged. 

“Fair enough,” he said before taking one into his mouth, satisfied at hearing Kaoru’s yelp, feeling him arch against him. The metal was strange in his mouth, but he could see himself adjusting to it just fine in the future.

“ _Kojiro...fuck…”_

He reached between them, feeling the soft, silky skin of Kaoru's cock pressed against his own. Kaoru made an impatient noise, and Kojiro leaned up to kiss him. 

Both of them in hand, he gave a tentative stroke, feeling more than hearing Kaoru's gasp against his mouth. 

"Okay?" he murmured, doing it again, and he smiled as one of Kaoru's legs slid over his.

"Don't...stop…"

That was an easy request. He stroked his hand over them both in an easy rhythm, thumb brushing against the tip of Kaoru's dick, smearing pre along them both as he went. 

Kaoru’s hands dug into Kojiro's shoulders, and Kojiro loved the fussy noises Kaoru made, surprisingly restrained. 

It didn't take either of them long to come, Kojiro managing to last just long enough to watch Kaoru. And it was worth it. 

He was beautiful, just like in everything else he did: eyes closed, long lashes lying against his cheek, mouth open in a perfect 'o', arched up against Kojiro as he shuddered. Even his noises were perfect, soft, gaspy moans. 

"Fuck," Kaoru sighed, Kojiro nuzzling against his neck as he basked in the post-coital bliss. Kaoru's hands traced patterns over his back, pausing to squeeze a muscle every so often.Kojiro smiled, happy to do this all day. He wanted to see what Kaoru liked, what kinds of noises he made, what brought him the most amount of pleasure. He lifted his eyes, smiling at seeing Kaoru watching him. Kaoru offered a smile, too, and then promptly disrupted his equilibrium, landing Kojiro on his back in a neat move.

“Can’t let you have the upper hand for long, big boy,” Kaoru hummed from above him, one hand planted on his chest. 

Kojiro blinked up at him. 

“B-big boy…?” 

Kaoru smiled, lifting his shoulder in an elegant shrug. 

“It’s a true statement,” he said, and Kojiro didn’t have the brain power to fight back. It was unfair for someone to look as good as Kaoru did _and_ be snarky, but Kojiro didn’t have the brain power to fight back. Not when all the blood in his head had just rushed back to his dick. His hands went to Kaoru’s hips, thumbs brushing over the tops of them. 

“Touché…”

Kaoru smiled, resting both hands on Kojiro’s pecs and squeezing. 

“Impressive,” he hummed, leaning down, lips brushing over Kojiro’s, “for an ape.” 

Kojiro made an affronted noise, and Kaoru chuckled, kissing him, hands smoothing over his skin, sliding over his ribs, across his abs. Kissing was easy; so were the soft, exploratory touches. Kaoru paused part way through their kissing, sitting up and tying back his hair since it kept getting in Kojiro’s mouth. 

Kojiro took advantage of the moment to run his hands over Kaoru’s torso, tugging his piercings, which made Kaoru shudder. They were both hard, but almost dutifully ignoring that in favor of just kissing. 

“I’m going to ride you,” Kaoru said, matter of fact, sliding his hands into Kojiro’s hair and tugging slightly against his curls. 

“Oh? Is that so, pinky?” he replied, smirking, sliding his hands to Kaoru’s ass and squeezing. Fuck, he was perfect. 

Kaoru sighed, wiggling into Kojiro’s hands, and nodded. 

“Yes,” he hummed, “and if you’re going to call me anything besides my name in the bedroom, you can call me Cherry.”

Kojiro raised an eyebrow, tilting his head to one side. 

“Really? You don’t like pinky? Four eyes? What about baby? Toots? Peach? _Princess?_ ” he asked, chuckling, giving his ass another squeeze. Kaoru rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. 

“None of the above. Cherry is fine,” he replied. 

Kojiro shrugged. “Alright. I can do that.” 

“Good,” Kaoru replied and kissed him. 

Things were going a lot slower than Kojiro was expecting, but he tried not to look a gift horse in the mouth. It felt good to just...be with Kaoru. He liked the teasing, Kaoru’s straightforwardness. He wasn’t going to rush things along; he’d take things at Kaoru’s pace.

And maybe this was just because things were so new, and Kojiro knew Kaoru hadn’t been with anyone in...a while. 

Kaoru pulled back, sucking Kojiro’s bottom lip into his mouth, and letting him go with a pop before sitting up again. He leaned back and returned with a condom and some lube.

Kojiro arched a brow.

"Were you planning this?" he asked.

"That we would have sex on this trip? No. Just dutifully prepared," Kaoru replied, and stilled. He looked away, swallowing, and Kojiro watched his Adam's apple bob. 

"I... haven't _wanted_ to have sex since...what happened," he said, looking back at Kojiro. 

"Oh," he replied dumbly, resting his hands on Kaoru's thighs. "What changed…?"

Kaoru blinked, his eyes back to tracking his face, taking him in. Looking _into_ him. He rested the lube and condoms on his chest, like an offering. 

"You," he said simply. " _Seeing_ you. I'm sorry it took so long…"

***

It was evident that Kaoru hadn't had sex in a while, and Kojiro did his best to be mindful, despite Kaoru's impatience. 

He maintained a pretty good pace, using his fingers, and tons of lube. 

"I'm not a virgin, you imbecile, you can, _ahh, fuck_ …"

Kojiro hummed, scissoring his fingers and gently crooking a finger against Kaoru’s prostate, petting his hair. 

"You were saying?"

Kaoru growled, and Kojiro loved that he was so fiesty. Kaoru got the better of him though, adjusting enough, starting to fuck back against Kojiro’s fingers, his cock dragging against Kojiro's hip. 

"You can stop," Kaoru huffed. 

"Sure?"

"Very."

Kaoru sat up, one hand braced on Kojiro's chest, looking behind him. Long, warm fingers pressed against his cock, before Kaoru turned forward, sitting on Kojiro's cock in one go. 

His fingers tightened against Kaoru's hips, and he couldn't help the involuntary moan he made, echoing Kaoru's own. 

"Fuck...you're _huge_ …" Kaoru said, and the comment struck Kojiro as...rather hilarious. 

"No shit, Cherry," he said, chuckling, despite the fact that he was _inside of_ his best friend and love of his life. Maybe that was part of it, too— being so geared up and giddy from this whole day. 

Kaoru laughed, Kojiro getting caught up in the way his abs flexed as he did. He had such a nice laugh. Kojiro didn’t hear it nearly enough. 

“Okay, okay,” Kaoru chuckled, taking a few breaths. 

“You don’t have to be so serious,” Kojiro said, hands smoothing over Kaoru’s hips. “We’re still friends...it’s still me.” 

Kaoru considered him, his expression neutral, before he nodded and smiled softly. 

“You’re right.” 

Kojiro watched him close his eyes, both hands braced on Kojiro’s solar plexus, Kaoru’s head falling back slightly, hair falling out of the messy bun he’d thrown it into. He started to move, slowly at first, and Kojiro had to bite his lip, trying his best not to buck up too hard. Kaoru wouldn’t be tossed around easily—he was much stronger than he looked—but Kojiro didn’t want to hurt him; he still had a healing arm and leg, after all. 

So he settled in to just...enjoy the show, to _experience._

He ran his hands over Kaoru's thighs, feeling the way Kaoru’s muscles moved under his skin, moving on to curve his fingers over sharp hip bones. Kaoru's movements were more tentative, still feeling things out, but the slide of him against Kojiro’s cock was _incredible_. 

But he could tell that Kaoru was favoring one side, brows pinched, and not quite in pleasure. Which just wouldn't do. 

"Hey," Kojiro said, and Kaoru opened his eyes, looking down at him, though he didn't stop moving. "Hold on."

Kaoru blinked and made a surprised sound as Kojiro sat up. It changed the angle, and both of them whimpered. 

"Is this better...for your foot?"

Kaoru wiggled a little, making Kojiro bite back a moan, closing his eyes. 

"Yes."

"Good."

Strong arms slid over his shoulders, one of Kaoru's hands tangling in the hair at the back of his neck. 

Kojiro opened his eyes, meeting Kaoru's for a long pause, before he kissed him, and started moving again in earnest. 

This position seemed to have done the trick; their kisses turned sloppy, more just the slide of lips and sharing of breath than anything. 

" _Kojiro_ ," Kaoru whispered, intermingled with a moan so exquisite it nearly made him come. 

"C'mon, Cherry…" he cooed, kissing the hollow of Kaoru’s throat, his skin salty and soft under Kojiro’s lips. 

Kaoru's nails bit into his shoulders, the sound of skin on skin filling the room as he moved without rhythm, simply chasing his pleasure. 

Kaoru out of control was a rare sight, and Kojiro tried to take it all in, because it wasn't just the tight heat of him that drove him crazy; it was seeing something that so few people got to see. 

Kaoru...vulnerable. 

Knowing that he was trusted with this... It was everything he could have ever wanted. And more. 

Kojiro came first, unable to hold back any more, face pressed against Kaoru's neck. Kojiro had a hand against Kaoru’s back, steadying, and purred as he felt him shudder, covering his hand, and their stomachs as he came. 

He felt Kaoru's fast breaths, the rapid beating of his heart. Kaoru rested a cheek against Kojiro's head, one hand idly stroking the back of his neck. 

"Holy shit…"

"Uh huh…"

Kojiro pressed a kiss to Kaoru's shoulder, both hands around his waist, just holding him. 

"So that's what all the hype was about," Kaoru said, and Kojiro made an inquisitive noise. "That you're amazing in bed. I've heard the whispering amongst your conquests."

Kojiro snickered. 

"My conquests?"

Kaoru pulled back and they looked at each other. He blinked twice. 

"You've bedded quite a few people over the years."

Kojiro shrugged. "Well...not anymore…"

Kaoru tilted his head. 

"If...you want...uh…'cause…" Kojiro gestured between them. 

Kaoru seemed to consider this, as if it hadn't occurred to him, while Kojiro was still inside him. 

"You'd want to be exclusive?"

Kojiro blinked at him, nearly incredulous. 

"Yes," he replied simply. 

Kaoru blinked at him again, his high cheekbones dusting pink. 

"Alright," he said, taking a deep breath, "I can agree to that…"

It wasn't _commitment_ or even really a relationship...but exclusivity was better than nothing. Even if Kaoru just wanted to fuck, he could get behind that. Maybe things would change down the line. He'd carried this torch for a majority of his life at this point, he could keep going. Kaoru was worth it. 

“Wait...hang on...So you think I’m amazing in bed?! ALRIGHT!”

“Shut up, you stupid gorilla!”

Kojiro laughed, holding his hands up as Kaoru swatted at him, red from his face all down his chest. 

“It’s alright, Cherry. I won’t tell anyone. Promise.”

***

The last few days on Miyakojima were a far cry from the last few weeks there. Kaoru seemed much more himself now. 

Maybe it was the sex, or having Kojiro in bed with him at night, or just...his depression finally lifting. All of the above, perhaps?

Kojiro was taking it all in stride. 

He liked waking up to Kaoru sleeping next to him, to be making breakfast and feel warm arms wrap around him, and surprisingly sweet nuzzles between his shoulder blades as he cooked. 

He'd had to abandon cooking more than once, fucking Kaoru up on the kitchen counter, or getting fucked in turn. 

They even spent a whole morning in bed, not even bothering to get dressed beyond robes, and made their way leisurely to the onsen in the evening for a long, quiet soak. 

They went down to the beach and talked. Not so much about what they were and weren't doing, but more about Adam, 'S,' the kids, and returning to Okinawa.

Kaoru even told him about his side hustle over a bottle of warm sake, making Kojiro swear himself to secrecy, since it seemed that he had some indirect connections to the Yakuza. 

Kojiro wasn't surprised by that in the least. 

Their last night in the house was surprisingly soft and...borderline romantic. 

Kaoru woke up early with him and they had slow, sweet sex, which left Kojiro boneless and pleased, and he fell back to sleep. 

He woke up an hour later to an empty bed and the sound of someone bustling in the kitchen, Carla answering questions Kaoru was asking her. 

Kojiro ran a hand through his hair, smiling to himself, just listening, before getting out of bed and sliding into his briefs and a shirt. 

Kaoru was standing over the stove doing some sort of cooking, dressed in his robe, hair hanging over his shoulder. It looked like he had braided it. 

He looked over his shoulder, smiling a little before going back to his task. 

"Good morning," he said. "Sleep well? I made espresso…"

Kojiro hummed, resting a hand around Kaoru's waist, kissing the side of his head. 

"Good morning," he replied. "I did. Thank you."

He poured himself a shot of espresso, sipping it idly, leaning against the kitchen counter and watching Kaoru make what looked like an omelette. 

"Are you going to observe me, Chef?" Kauro said without looking up, and Kojiro chuckled. 

"Nah. Looks like you got it."

"Mmm…"

Kojiro chuckled, moving around the kitchen to pull dishes and utensils out of the cabinets. 

Kaoru looked up, and Kojiro held out a plate for him. He gently rolled the omelette onto the plate, murmuring a soft thank you.

"That's yours," he said and went about making one for himself. 

Kojiro couldn't help but watch, warmly amused. Kaoru wasn't a _bad_ cook, and he liked that he had taken it upon himself to make breakfast. 

It was...cute. 

And very domestic. It made Kojiro's heart and stomach do funny things that sort of felt like heartburn and indigestion all at once, but weren't.

“Last day today. Anything in particular you want to do before we pack up and head out tomorrow?” 

Kaoru hummed softly, finishing his omelette and plating it. 

“Nothing in particular, no. Perhaps another walk on the beach, and we should finish the bottle of red you brought,” he finally replied, joining Kojiro at the small kitchen table. 

“Seems reasonable enough.” 

“Carla, what’s the forecast for tonight?”

“The weather for tonight, Saturday, August 28th, in Miyakojima is 26 degrees celsius with clear skies and zero percent chance of precipitation.”

“Thank you, Carla.” 

Kaoru smiled at Kojiro, who rolled his eyes, which made Kaoru snicker, before cutting into his omelette. 

Kojiro did the same, taking a bite. It tasted pretty good, and he nodded his head a little in approval, taking another bite. Kaoru’s foot tapped against his under the table, and Kojiro looked up, their eyes meeting. 

“This is good,” he said. “Thanks for cooking.” 

Kaoru offered a small smile, nodding his head once, his feet coming to rest on top of Kojiro’s. 

“Of course.” 

They ate their breakfast in companionable silence. It was a comfortable quiet, familiar for them, though the playing footsie under the table was new. And so was showering together—they hadn’t done that yet. 

Kojiro considered that all of this was just some spell on them since they were away from their usual lives and Kaoru coming off of, well, a bad break up more or less. He didn’t know what things would look like back in Okinawa or what would change, if anything at all. 

They’d never actually done the ‘friends-with-benefits’ thing, but maybe that’s all this was. He wasn’t expecting Kaoru to say he loved him, especially not now. But they had always had chemistry, and the sex was amazing...That had to count for something...right? 

Was that enough to build a romantic relationship on? Surely all the history and their friendship was more than enough... 

He tried quieting the thoughts throughout the day, just...being present and enjoying the time they did have together like this. They decided to bring dinner and wine to the beach with them, packing a picnic basket full of food, wine, utensils, and a blanket. Just as Carla had indicated, the weather was fairly warm, the sky clear. 

They found a secluded spot, looking out over the ocean and the slowly setting sun. 

“It is beautiful here,” Kaoru said, holding out his wine glass as Kojiro poured the wine. 

“It is,” he replied, nestling the bottle carefully back in the basket so it didn’t spill. 

“Kojiro…”

He looked up. Kaoru was watching him, holding the wine glass delicately in both hands, one long finger tapping the glass nervously. 

“I...wanted to say thank you,” Kaoru said softly, “and I’m sorry.” 

Kojiro’s brows furrowed, but he stayed quiet, letting Kaoru speak. 

“You always have and continue to do far too much for me,” he continued, “and you have been nothing but honest with me, and I feel that I’ve taken that for granted over the years. I’ve been...far too afraid, I think, and angry. Afraid of how different my life might be without you in it, or even what it would be with you more in it than you are now. Angry at myself for my indecision and my frustration with Adam. I’ve been...preoccupied with myself and my own anxieties. I never took a moment to think about you or what you wanted or what might make you happy.” 

Kaoru sighed, taking a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment and adjusting his glasses. 

“I would like...to be better. I have been thinking about this since even before the ‘Incident.’ ‘Repent and make efforts.’ We all have to learn from our mistakes and to make amends for past hurts. I thought it was something I needed to consider about Adam, about what I was owed from him, but really...it was something I had to consider about myself...about you.”

He reached out a hand and rested it over Kojiro’s. 

“I’m so very sorry for all the pain I have undoubtedly caused you over the years, and for how my selfishness has hurt you. I would like to do better by you.”

Kojiro turned his hand over, their palms resting together, and curled his fingers around Kaoru’s. 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he replied. “I would have done anything for you...no matter what.” 

Kaoru closed his eyes. 

“I know you would have. And I...took advantage. I don’t want to do that to you any more. I would like to be more honest with you, more... _vulnerable_.” 

He opened his eyes, meeting Kojiro’s, almost searching. 

“I would like to try. Whatever this is, whatever it’s becoming...I’d like to try. For you. With you.” 

Kojiro nodded in understanding, his heart pounding in his chest, and he squeezed Kaoru’s hand. 

“I’d like that.”

“Yes?” 

“Yeah. Truly.”

Kaoru smiled, looking...relieved, his cheeks staining pink. 

“Good.” 

Kojiro lifted his wine glass, smiling widely. 

“To us, then,” he said. 

Kaoru breathed a soft laugh, raising his glass as well and tapping it against Kojiro’s. 

“To us.” 

They both took a sip, watching one another over the rims of their glasses. 

“That was a pretty nice speech there, pinky,” Kojiro said, giving him a wink, and laughed as Kaoru’s face went from a delicate pink to beet red. 

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT, YOU IDIOT!”

***

**Epilogue**

Kojiro tried to be as quiet as he could, closing doors slowly and carefully, sneaking down the hall to rinse off quickly before he headed to bed, since he still smelled like charred eggplant. He disposed of his uniform in the hamper as he tiptoed back down the hall, carefully sliding the door open. 

“Kojiro?” 

Kaoru was half-sitting up in bed, eyes squinted from sleep and lack of glasses, his hair sleep mussed. 

“Yeah. Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you,” Kojiro said, sliding the door closed again and slipping under the covers. “We were packed tonight…” 

“Mm, it’s fine,” came the reply through a yawn, and Kojiro couldn’t help but smile as Kaoru snuggled closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

“Yikes. Your feet are cold,” he chuckled softly, kissing Kaoru's soft hair, rubbing his feet against his to warm them. 

“Always cold without you,” was the quiet reply. 

Kojiro wrapped his arms around Kaoru, tangling them up together, feeling the way Kaoru’s body relaxed, any tension he held dissipating. 

“Go back to sleep, Cherry,” he said, the name connoting ‘baby.’ 

Kaoru hummed, snuggling closer, and Kojiro could feel his breathing even out and hear his soft, weirdly adorable little snores. 

He chuckled softly, stroking a hand through Kaoru’s hair, pressing one more kiss to his forehead, and sighed. 

If someone had asked him six months ago where he thought he would be, he wouldn’t have dared or dreamed to say that he’d be in bed with the love of his life. They were still figuring things out, trying to take their time. 

The kids knew, but that was only because they were smarter than they seemed, and if Kojiro was honest, he and Kaoru hadn’t been as careful because, well, it was nice to be _known_. But things were complicated, and that was okay. They had time. And things were good. 

_Really good_. 

He couldn’t wait to wake up tomorrow to Kaoru’s sleeping face, make him breakfast, feel him cuddling up against him as he woke up, leaning against his back as had become his habit.

There was so much left to do and explore now. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic based on the scene where Cherry shucks his robe and propositions Joe. It was just going to be that one scene and some PWP but...things got away from me lmao in a good way though! 
> 
> Since Sk8 currently only has 9/12 episodes available, I'm sure that this fic might be a bit different in light of new information we get. But until then!!! I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! It was a blast!
> 
> Feel free to come scream with me about Sk8 and Sheith [here](https://twitter.com/PeaceLilies)!!!


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